Your Love Is My Drug
by Rath101
Summary: What you've got boy is hard to find. I think about it all about it all the time. I'm all strung up my heart is fried. I just cant get you off my mind. Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug. Song-fic


**Disclaimer: I do not own the Final Fantasy series or the song**

**Your love Is My Drug - Ke$ha**

_What you've got boy is hard to find. _

_Think about it all about it all the time. _

_I'm all strung up my heart is fried. _

_I just cant get you off my mind. _

_Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug_

My heart beats erratically as I stare shamelessly at him. I quickly avert my eyes so he can't sense my stare and I feel heat pool to my face. I look back up at him and my breath hitches again. I watch as his fluid and graceful movements in awe as he swings his sword in a swift dance. I watch as sweat beads roll down his bare and ripped chest and I see his muscles flex, showing his immense strength. _I wonder what it'd be like with his muscles covering me_… I stay in the cover of the bushed as I ogle him. I feel drool flow down my chin and quickly wiping it away, my blush becoming even more prominent. I sigh almost inaudibly in disappointment when he sheaths his sword and walks back towards his cloths. I leave before I am discovered by him.

For another month I watch him from the sidelines - swooning internally and sighing outwardly but keeping my happy exterior. After all, who could be sad when he is near? His very presence is intoxicating. His Godly, albeit aged, form walks slowly and broadly either ahead or behind the group. I always stays in a place where I can see him. I can't help but feel safe only when I can see him. My heart fills with dread and fear whenever he leaves my line of vision.

My brother would say that I was having another girlish fantasy. One with a man who wont indulge a love sick girls somewhat perverted thoughts. I would only agree with one thing my brother would surely say, he wouldn't feel the same way I did. Why would he? He must have woman offer their beds to him… I can only imagine how beautiful those women would be. _Oh Shiva, not even Gippal made me feel like this!_

I watch him as he brings back firewood for the camp and the dull ache in my chest leaves and excitement replaces it. I smile broadly when he approaches the campfire and feeds the flame more wood, which it happily devours. I slyly glance at him in secret and my eyes fill with what can only be described as lust. As I watch him talk with Yuna, I cannot help the boil of jealously that erupts in my chest. I feel as if I died when he gave her his trade mark smirk at something she said, which caused Tidus to blush. I feel pathetic in that moment. I've seen him smile multiple times… But it's never been directed to me.

I watch him as he takes a sip of his sake, and he sighs softly as he drinks. I can't help but wonder if he's more approachable his he's been drinking. I swallow my nerves and sit next to him, something which earns my a raised eyebrow from Auron. I don't talk and he seems even more confused. I understand though. Rikku, not talking; who died?

I slowly make idle conversation and I'm surprised when I get more then simple grunts of response. I suddenly find myself desperate to be found interesting to him and before I know it I'm rambling about nothing and everything ranging from Chocobo milk to Tonberry. He hardly response when I start talking a mile a minute and I worry that he's not even listening and just ignoring me. I feel my chest constrict with pain and I will myself not to cry. I swiftly end the conversation and return to my sleeping bag, trying to stay as silent and still as possible when sobs escape my throat.

I knew I was a girl with a silly fantasy. I knew that I craved for him in unimaginable ways. But I couldn't help but think the same thing every time I saw him. What would it be like to be _loved _by him?

Soon, I become obsessed, rarely leaving him alone for more then a moment and that was because nature always called. I would stand by his side in battle and try to impress him, even going so far as to attack enemies I know I can't kill. I feel protected each time he saves me, even when he lectures my irresponsibility, I can't keep the smile off my face. He doesn't complain when I talk aimlessly for hours, although I do see him rub his temples constantly, I can't help but feel sad when I think he's only tolerating me.

I see him smile genuinely for the first time during one of our one sided conversations. It makes me feel I'm about to vomit up my heart from how love sick it makes me. I tell him that I'll never be loved by the one I love in return. He chuckled and smiled and said if he had a brain, he wouldn't reject someone as lively a me. I blush ferociously and mull his words over in my head, not noticing him standing and walking away. He tosses a cruel remark over his should. Only if he's deaf. I yell at him in mock anger when really I feel as if my heart was torn out of my chest and stabbed more times then I can count.

I follow him a week later to a small clearing we set up in at the calm lands. He continues with his training and I watch him dully, still in pain after his insult. I feel my heart beat faster as he runs around the clearing and I cannot help but smile and forgive his rudeness. I feel my feelings for him increases as I see him fighting his invisible opponents with more strength then I've ever seen before. I see his hand falter and he grunts if frustration, gripping his sword again before sheathing it. With a jolt of shock I realise something. I'm not simply a girl obsessed with a man she'll never have. But I'm a girl in love with a man I'll never have.

Choking back sobs, I go to leave the small clearing, I carelessly step on a twig and I hear his sword unsheathe faster then a Chocobo running for it's life. I pray to any higher being that he doesn't know it's me and run back to the camp were everyone is still sleeping, completely oblivious to my pained thoughts. His movements still haunt my thoughts as I sneak back into my sleeping bag pretending to be asleep. I continued to picture his glistening body as he performed a swordplay movement. His slightly grey hair, damp with sweat and glowing brightly in the morning sun. his face narrowed in the up most concentration on his movements. Perhaps, if he didn't concentrate so hard he'd be aware of the fact that every morning since a certain Al Bhed had joined the group, his private time wasn't so private.

She cursed herself for being unable to stop thinking of him. Since her revelation, it's brought no joy. Only pain.

I hear his footsteps slowly become louder as he reaches the camp and I will my heart to calm. I fail, my heart only beats faster and faster with excitement and dread as he approaches closer and closer. My body tingles when I hear his footsteps close, almost deafening to my ears. I hold my breathe when a shadow is cast over my body, and it takes all my control not to blow my cover and open my eyes and stare at him for hours.

"Rikku." He says sternly.

My body stiffens and I know he noticed it. He was Sir Auron after all. He misses nothing.

"Rikku." He repeats, his patience obviously wearing thin.

I sigh and open one eye to examine him and curse myself instantly because my eyes instantly bulge out of my head. The morning sun was directly behind him and gave him a far more Godly look then what should be legal. I feel my limbs go weak and I'm extremely grateful that I'm sitting down. I feel my heart constrict and I mentally scold myself for falling in love with him.

"Come with me." He commands, and disappears off for the direction of the clearing.

I stand and cautiously walk back towards the clearing with wobbly knees that I was previously sitting happily in, ogling the eldest guardian of the group. The clearing that made me understand I loved him, and that I'd never have him. I ignore the butterflies that flutter around in my stomach and mutter tongue twisters to make sure my speech was still working. My heart starts beating so fast I feel it's about to break out of my ribcage and fly away.

Too quickly, I'm standing in front of Auron and I don't even bother to control my breathing as I feel like I'm about to have an anxiety attack from just being to close to me. I could feel my fingers twitching, almost as if they were about to have a mind of their own and do all sorts of things to Auron that would more or less get me killed.

We stand there for a minute and my breathing slowly becomes more healthy. My brain starts getting enough oxygen for coherent thoughts. He waits patiently for me to gather myself together and I calm myself… Although my breathing is back to normal my thoughts and heart are doing jumps and summersaults.

"Are you alright?" He asks, concern barely lacing his voice.

I nod, not trusting my voice and give a small smile.

I hear him sigh and he looks away, walking toward a tree stump and setting himself happily there. I ignore my nerves and I slowly make my way to him, fidgeting with my fingers and glancing around with a jump every time the wind blows and makes a sound. I see him glance at me through his shades and his brows narrow slightly in confusion and - was that hurt?

"Rikku, why are you nervous?" He ask. Always the blunt one.

I smile and shake my head, trying to say through actions that I'm absolutely fine. He doesn't buy it and sighs - he appears to be doing that a lot lately. We stay silent for awhile longer and my fidgeting only increases as idle talk diminishes.

"Rikku," he starts, making sure he has my attention still, he never lost it. "What is it?" he didn't need to elaborate.

I sighed, suddenly all nerves and tension gone from my body. I whisper a reply so soft that he grunts his request for her to repeat herself.

I breathe in deeply and stare him directly in the eye. "I love you."

I saw his entire body tense. His eyes widened slightly and he suddenly seemed to be looking around for a escape. He doesn't find one and I stand in front of him demanding his attention. I look at him, begging him to answer. To blow me off and reject me if he wills, but not to ignore me. Or worse, mock me.

He sighs and uncharacteristically runs a hand down his face. "I'm sorry-"

"No!" I yell, spinning around and facing away from him. "Don't!"

"Rikku-"

"Stop! Don't say anything! I don't want to know." I start strong and slowly get weak. "Please." I beg pathetically.

"I don't believe you." He says quickly. I stare at him in disbelief as he walks away.

I run towards him and grab his wrist, but he shrugs it off.

I scream at him. "After this is over! I'll prove it!"

I see his entire body freeze. "When this is over…" He mutters. He laughs darkly. "We'll see."

I don't think deeply about his humourless laugh and smile brightly. I wrap my arm around his and I feel like I've died and gone to heaven when he doesn't shove me away.

Who cares if I'm obsessed! He's just so addictive!


End file.
